"No is NOT an Option..." REALLY?

I am a Facebook Group junkie! I belong to a lot of teacher groups, Math groups, even...(I blush to admit) CALCULATOR groups. Yes, it's true. We nerd out on our calculators. We take pictures of them. We ask questions about their various functions. TOTAL nerd-dom.

And as all of my families know, I am historically a gifted junior high math/science teacher. This was my niche. This was where I belonged. WITH FELLOW WEIRDOS! I loved teaching in the gifted classroom. So many of my students there were 'dual-coded', meaning they had learning disabilities, social-emotional codings, and more. Being 'gifted' is not usually the blessing people think it is.

As a result I developed even more compassion and insight into the brain of the adolescent. I like to think I already truly loved my students, but being with these kiddos took it to a whole new level. Seeing their mixed abilities allowed me to learn so much as a teacher! As a human! And eventually as a mother.

So when I saw this post in one of my Facebook Groups, I was troubled. It made me protective over the student in the post, even though we have never met.

A brand new, very young teacher (I was also very young when my career started - 22 years old!) described the situation: She, the teacher, asked the grade seven student to come up to the board and show work on a particular math problem. The student declined. The teacher again TOLD her to come up. The student again declined, now getting agitated. The teacher, now in front of the whole class, several times said (by her own admission), "NO IS NOT AN OPTION!" and it became an issue of defiance, etc.

I was so, so sad when I read this.

In the FB Group the teacher was complaining about 'young people' these days, how they have no respect for authority, no work ethic, etc.

Ironically, I believe she hit the nail on the head with the first complaint.

Her issue is that she, as the teacher, feels disrespected by the student. This had nothing to do with Math, or the student's learning process, or compassion. It simply became a challenge: Will you do what I say because I'm the one in charge?

However, this is not what the classroom should be about. This is not what teaching should be about!

So as a fellow teacher, as a mother, as a veteran teacher (sigh!) I would like to challenge any parents and teachers out there to ask yourself when saying something like "NO IS NOT AN OPTION!", what is your goal?? Is your goal to see how the student thinks so you can assist them? Is your goal to boost her confidence? Is your goal to enhance your relationship with her throughout the school year? Because if that's the case, you blew it.

If your goal is to prove you are in charge, well, congratulations, you did it, but at a huge cost. You also proved you are an adult she won't feel safe with.